girlfiend

Judging by the comments I’ve received on yesterday’s post, I feel that I should explain yesterday’s argument a little more clearly.

My mother decided I should have a prenuptial agreement and discussed it with her close friend Marvin. Marvin, a lawyer who writes these agreements on a regular basis, agreed to advise me. My mother knew that discussing money with me would cause a fight, so she chose to take the underhanded route. She lied and told me to call Marvin because he wanted to congratulate me.

Thinking it was just an obligatory best wishes phone call that would only take a few minutes, I rang Marvin 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave and before I’d taken a shower. By the time Boyfiend was able to ask me what Marvin wanted to talk to me about, we were running down the street. I told Boyfiend that he didn’t want to hear about the conversation because I knew that he would overreact. Which he did. Boyfiend is reactionary. He thought I didn’t trust him.

Even though I knew it was coming, his reaction, combined with the shock of the phone call, was infuriating. We missed two trains. He was frustrated. I was even more frustrated. I yelled and acted bitchy and I said hurtful things. He wanted me to swear that I’d never again mention a prenuptial agreement before I’d even had the time to think things over.

I don’t think a prenuptial agreement is necessary. I never have. But when my mother is orchestrating this shit behind my back, I need time to think things through. I don’t react well to ultimatums so I made it worse by refusing to reassure him, even though I didn’t want him to sign anything in the first place. When I angrily told him I wasn’t making any promises, his reaction was to bring out the big guns, the “I won’t marry you if you want me to sign anything” guns.

I’m sure that after I yelled, “I can’t believe you want to break up with me,” he realized that the prenup wasn’t my idea. That’s why he came downstairs and put his arm around me. That’s why he kissed me and told me he was happy that we’re getting married. Yes, he overreacted, but he reacted emotionally, not violently. His indignation was more narcissistic than anything else. There are no red flags.

I wrote about our argument because this is the place where I tell the story of my life. I thought our fight made a good story. Let me stress that it’s my story. My decision to marry Boyfiend is based upon our love, our friendship, and our dreams about our life together. We are perfect for each other, but love without conflict is unrealistic and it certainly isn’t a story.

Before I close, I’d like to address the root of the problem. My mother, that manipulative bitch, is looking for a fight. I’m not giving her the satisfaction this time. I will not engage in this discussion with her. I will not allow her to butt into my finances or my marriage. If she asks if I’ve spoken to Marvin I’ll tell her yes and leave it at that. That’s the idea, anyway. I don’t know if I’ll be so firm in my resolve when she and my father come here for dinner tomorrow night.