girlfiend

I was reading Sars’ latest column, 25 and Over, at Tomato Nation and unfortunately recognized a few of my own bad habits and those of my friends in her orders for those of us over the age of twenty-five. She asks the question, “Still acting like a clueless brat?” My answer. “Um. Sometimes.” Here are a few that really stuck out for me.

1. Remember to write thank-you notes. If you do not know when athank-you note is appropriate, consult an etiquette book — the older and more hidebound the book, the better. When in doubt, write one anyway; better to err on the side of formality. An email is not sufficient thanks for a physical gift. Purchase stationery and stamps, set aside five minutes, and express your gratitude in writing. Failure to do so implies that you don’t care. This implication is a memorable one. Enough said.

Uh-oh. I suck at that. I actually own an etiquette book that I’ve never bothered to read. Last year when I taught the rich kids I received tons of Christmas gifts and end-of-the-year gifts and never sent thank you cards. Perhaps that’s why I’m back in the ghetto now. Shower and wedding gifts I’m clear on, but what’s the deal with friends and family? Do you have to thank them for Christmas gifts? Birthday gifts?

6. Have enough money. I do not mean “give up your scholarly dreams and join the world of corporate finance in order to keep up with the Joneses.” I mean that you should not become that girl or boy who is always a few dollars short, can only cover exactly his or her meal but no tip, or “forgot” to go to the ATM. Go to the ATM first, don’t order things you can’t afford…

This one goes out to one friend in particular. I’m sorry that your wife gets the ATM card and check book, but you can’t visit friends 40 miles from your house without money for a train ride home.

11. Do as invitations ask you. Don’t bring a guest when no such courtesy is extended. Don’t blow off an RSVP; it means “please respond,” and you should. “Regrets only” means you only answer if you can’t come. If the party starts at eight, show up at eight — not at seven-thirty so you can go a “better” party later, not at eleven when dinner is cold. Eight. Cocktail parties allow for leeway, of course, but pay attention and read instructions; your host furnished the details for a reason.

This is the worst. No one ever RSVPs to parties in my social circle. Grow the fuck up. If you’re invited and you plan to attend let me know. I’m not a mind reader and I certainly cannot calculate how much food and beverage to provide if I don’t know if you’re coming. When I planned Boyfiend’s birthday party only 8 people outside of his family responded. More than 40 showed up. I took the time to mail you an invitation and you can’t respond? Lazy-ass slacker. Much thanks to those of you with the manners to pick up the phone or send me an email. And I’m really, really sorry I ignored your evite.

If you’re under the age of twenty-five, read up now so you’re not unprepared for your future as an adult. The rest of you- read up and grow up. I’m sure you’re guilty of something!