girlfiend

How do you keep a straight face when talking to him?

This question reminded me of an incident that occurred at the beginning of period four on Tuesday. After much pleading,I allowed the kids to read a story with a partner. Everyone paired up quickly leaving two kids stuck with each other. Looking at her disdainfully, Briana said she didn’t want to work with Sierra.

Sierra is a trip. I don’t know what planet she was conceived on, but that girl is unlike any child I’ve ever known. Sweet as sugar, Sierra is a complete ditz, and can’t finish a sentence without forgetting what she meant say two or three times. “Ms. Ummm. Ummmmm. Umm. Ms. Fiend? I umm. Ummmmm. Ummmm. I forget. Oh yeah. Ummmm. Ummmm. Can you check my um reading log?” I don’t know what goes on when the teacher (me) is out of earshot, but the others are always accusing Sierra of being mean. The girl can hardly speak, let alone hurl insults at her classmates, but I suppose there has to be some truth to it.

On the one hand, I see why Briana wouldn’t want to work with her. But on the other hand, Sierra’s a good reader, much better than Briana, so pairing them wasn’t such a bad idea. Also, I feel like it’s my job to teach these poor kids social skills. In the workplace you don’t often get to choose your coworkers and if you tell your boss, “I don’t wanna work with her, I wanna work with Dana and Nellie. She can work by herself,” while Sierra is directly in front of you, you definitely won’t be Employee of the month. I told Briana that she could pick her own partner to work on during language arts, but she had to read the story with Sierra.

Briana loudly informed the class that she didn’t want to work with a retard and why can’t we just work in threes. I told Sierra to join another group and asked Briana to step outside for a little hallway conference. I don’t know what the hell was wrong with her, but Briana refused to apologize, so I told her to work in the hall until she was willing to follow the school mottos and “give hugs not slugs” and be a Bounder, a person who “builds others up, not down.”

Twenty minutes later, when she was still out in the hall refusing to be nice, I gave the kids a few minutes of free time. Seeing that others were having fun and she wasn’t, she came in and apologized. Mikey, who has a bit of a crush on Briana, started showing off by dancing to the Destiny’s Child video they were watching online. Mikey grinned, shaking his fat ass to the music, and Ollie asked, “Why are you so fruity, Mikey?” Exasperated, I threw him out in the hall. Again, I saw Ollie’s point. Mikey did indeed look a little fruity. But it certainly wasn’t appropriate to announce it.

The principal walked by as I was in the hall with Ollie and asked, “Ms. Fiend, are your students behaving today?” I informed her that they weren’t using kind words. She shook her head and said, “They’re giving slugs, not hugs.” I agreed and added, “They’re not being Bounders today.” Ms. F headed toward the cafeteria, as Mikey, out of nowhere, slid into the hall and tattled at the top of his lungs, “Ms. F. Ollie called me fruity!”

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I completely lost it. Tears rolled down my face as I leaned against the doorjamb, struggling to stop laughing. So no, E, as hard as I try, it’s impossible to keep a straight face around him.