girlfiend

E2 asked: i’ve always wondered, what are your spiritual leanings? are you an aethiest? do you believe in a soul? are you psychic?

I don’t come from a family of believers. Although my mother was raised Jewish and my father was raised Catholic, neither of them are religious. I’m sure that their influence, or lack thereof, is partially the cause of my complete lack of faith.

As a kid I wanted to believe in God. I went to an Episcopalian school and Hebrew school in the evenings. I was a Jew by day, a shiksa by night. It was awkward. People at Episcopal made fun of me for being Jewish. I was forced to pray to God every day and go to chapel to pray to Jesus three times a week. When I stopped kneeling in chapel kids and teachers gave me dirty looks and whispered. At Hebrew school the kids thought it was weird that I went to a Christian school. I tried to pray at home, but it didn’t seem to change anything and I felt silly kneeling by my bed. I didn’t know which God to pray to.

When I started high school I began searching for something to believe. I read a bunch of books that were more spiritual than affiliated. I read the Tao (wonderful), the Tao of Pooh (charming)and friends gave me The Way of the Peaceful Warrior (crap), and The Journey to the East (a must-read). Reading about other forms of spirituality was enough to convince me that I had no interest in the Judeo-Christian-angry-male-sky-god. I was fascinated by Wicca (and occasionally rattan) , and thought that the belief that what you put out is what you receive, made sense. I began to believe that whatever good there is lies in everything, and while some sort of higher power may exist, people make their own choices and control their own lives.

Around the same time I was into witchcraft I started calling myself a feminist. By the time I entered college I had a marked interest in how organized religions perpetuate patriarchy and the subjugation of women in our society. I was fascinated by Ecofeminism, the role of women in the church, and read a number of books written by Jewish feminists trying to reconstruct a traditionally patriarchal religion. Outside of my theater major, almost every class I took was somehow related to feminism, religion and philosophy. If I hadn’t been so damn lazy, I’d have completed a minor in Women’s Studies.

I still strongly identify with my Jewish roots, but I’d never feel comfortable going to synagogue for prayer. I’ve dabbled in atheism and agnosticism and I’ve found that neither word accurately describes my belief system. More often than not, I’ve found that astrology is accurate in describing how people relate to each other. I don’t believe in daily horoscopes, but I’d trust an experienced astrologist to read my chart (Astrodienst has better than average horoscopes.). I don’t know if I believe in a soul. I know I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I’m not psychic, but I experience deja vu pretty regularly and can read people better than most. I’d like to believe in something, but I still don’t know what.

I hope that answers your question.