Trivia

Ordinarily my self-absorption is limitless, but with all that’s happening right now I’m almost embarrassed to write about my own seemingly trivial problems. Of course nothing seems trivial to me. It all seems huge and overblown and I feel like I just want to go to my dad’s house and let him bring me takeout for every meal and clean up after me while I sit on his couch and watch tv.

Here are some of the things that I can’t stop thinking about and don’t want to write about:

  • My mother picking fights with me during the short time I got to spend with a good friend I don’t see nearly enough of
  • My mother baiting me by telling me she’s found my sister on the internet and that my dad’s a bad person for not finding her himself
  • Fighting back when my mother baits me instead of just keeping my mouth shut
  • Boyfiend’s uncle yelling at me and telling me I’m a baby killer in front of many people at the dinner table, making me feel embarrassed, enraged and humiliated
  • Feeling weak and spineless when I chose to be well-behaved and keep my mouth shut instead of telling Uncle Dick what a fucking misinformed cocksucker he is
  • Boyfiend telling me he’s so miserable with me that thinking about our relationship makes him want to cry
  • Knowing that Boyfiend probably feels that way because of a million things that don’t really have anything to do with me but feeling unloved and like a failure anyway
  • Pregnancy zits

Despite how miserable I am right now, when it comes down to it I lead a charmed life and have to learn when to just let shit go. Especially since it all probably feels worse because I didn’t sleep for more than a few hours last night. Too many other people are far worse off than I’ll ever be.