girlfiend

I’m not sure why I haven’t been writing much lately. There’s plenty going on, but it seems like I have nothing to write about. I’ve been pretty consumed by baby name message boards which probably makes me a loser, but I can’t help but be fascinated by all of the idiots. It’s like a train wreck. I want to stay away, but can’t stop staring. People are truly out of their fucking minds as evidenced by the girl’s names Nevaeh (heaven backwards), Lybertee (a gross misspelling of a noun), and Liandrew (apparently it’s biblical.) It makes my eyes bleed.

Last week I went to Le Bec-Fin for lunch. The potato salad was the best I’ve ever eaten, the dessert cart was heavenly, the rest of the meal was fine. I only bring it up because that meal was how I learned that when I wrote about my lack of swelling, I really did jinx myself. While getting dressed, I figured that since the restaurant was fancy-schmancy I should probably wear shoes instead of sneakers. I unfortunately learned that since I’ve been wearing sneakers every day for months I’ve lulled myself into a false sense of security. Not a single pair of my shoes fit over my newly fat, formerly size 6.5 feet. Upon closer inspection, and an attempt to fit a pair of slightly big size 7 boots over said fat feet, I also learned that my ankles had indeed swollen. I wore black sneakers and I’ve been elevating my feet as much as possible ever since.

After the fancy French meal we went to the Franklin Institute to check out the Body Worlds exhibit. For those who haven’t heard of it, the exhibit is subtitled “The Anatomical Exhibit of Real Human Bodies.” And that’s exactly what it is. Corpses on display. The bodies are treated through a plastination process. It’s disgusting, morbid, and strangely beautiful. I don’t think I have the words to describe the exhibit in any more detail, but if you’re not easily spooked, interested in the workings of the human body, like the Mutter Museum, and want to know what smoker’s lungs look like, you should definitely check it out. In my current condition I could have spent hours in the fetus gallery alone.

We got a tree yesterday. It’s pretty small compared to the size of the room, but since I’m a Jew I don’t really mind a small tree. In the spirit of compromise we made it a Chanukah tree, using blue and white lights. Later, before we finish hanging ornaments, I’ll make a tin foil Star of David tree topper, since I haven’t been able to find any ready made Chanukah Christmas tree toppers online. I am open to suggestions on that one.

One more thing. In case you were wondering, seven months pregnant sex is pretty funny.