girlfiend

At one point I’m sure I swore I’d never do this, but here we go with another post about a cat.

Phyllis is out of her kitty-cat mind. Really, she’s lost it. She’s currently in the bathroom up on the counter meowing like crazy in her silent open-mouthed weirdo way. What she’s crying at I’ll never know, but she’s been in there for close to half an hour.

A few nights ago I made some green beans for dinner, ate half and left the other half out on the counter in case Boyfiend wanted some green vegetables when he got home. I was upstairs in the parlor when Phyllis left her perch on the chair. A few seconds later she was back, hunched over something. Upon closer inspection it was a green bean. And she was eating it. She finished and ran back downstairs. She returned with another green bean. And she ate it. Then she went down again and brought back another green bean. Since when does this cat eat VEGETABLES? She’s stolen an entire steak off of a plate with a single claw, but has never before shown an interest in vegetables. They weren’t even seasoned. No salt, no butter, just plain vegetable.

She’s still in the bathroom. I hear odd noises, but no more meows. I wonder what she’s destroying.

Phyllis also likes to pee on things. There’s never any rhyme or reason to it, but if there’s a pile of sawdust or dirt or anything resembling litter, she’ll pee on it. And plastic. I don’t know what it is about plastic, but for Phyllis, it’s the perfect place to relieve herself. A ball of empty dry cleaner bags? Better than a toilet. The other day she decided to pee on a plastic cutting board. A cutting board! The butter dish was on it. Who the hell pees on a cutting board? I know she’s only a cat, but I’m sure she’s spiteful and does it on purpose. I probably hadn’t fed her quickly enough.

She’s left the bathroom and is now perched on the armrest of the couch, right next to my shoulder. She’s purring in my ear, the freak. For years she wouldn’t come near me. Every time I approached, she’d bolt like I was about to attack her. Now, she’s purring sweet nothings in my ear.

Damn cat.