girlfiend

Until I got knocked up I was never much of a message board person. When I was younger I’d occasionally post at 3WA, or at anti-social, which now just seems to sell t-shirts, but as I got older I realized I don’t have the temperament for it- I’m not much of a joiner and I think most people are idiots. Since I’ve never been pregnant before it’s been kind of a relief to check in at different pregnancy boards and see what other people with due dates near mine are going through. Aside from the baby name boards, which are a laugh riot, it’s been kind of nice to compare weight gain and doctors appointments, test results and generally weird, icky, pregnancy symptoms. By nice, I also mean painful.

People on message boards are perky. They’re also stupid. They like emoticons, their opinions are ridiculous, and they insist upon using stupid acronyms- DH, for Dear Husband, DD and DS for Dear Daughter and Son. The overusage of LOL is the absolute worst. It seems that someone mistakenly told these people that LOL is a punctuation mark to be used as a comma, rather than an acronym for laughing out loud. LOL is used so frequently, and so incorrectly, I have to wonder what kind of crack these people smoked for breakfast.

But sometimes these women tell stories that leave me slack jawed in wonderment.

My boyfriend is starting to make me LOL nervous. He’s a trucker and his mom and dad are both crazy LOL. and I don’t know what to do. The other night I started having contractions and I went to the hospital. I called him to tell him and he said what the hell are you bothering me about that for? I told him I was worried and he asked why I was waking him up. It’s our first child together, but I have 3 already and he has 2 and we were only together for a month before I got preggo. We’re in love and going to buy an house together. Anyway I left the hospital and when he got home for the weekend I got out of bed to clean his rig and found that his sheets are stained, and he had a big pile of nudie mags and when I looked at his bank records he was withdrawing $50 to $200 a day. Is he spending it on hookers? LOL…We’re supposed to get married after the baby’s born. What should I do?

Um, you should leave him. First of all, a woman who was in early labor shouldn’t get out of bed to clean up her disinterested boyfriend’s rig. Secondly, a woman with 3 kids should avoid getting knocked up by a long-distance trucker with a porn and hooker addiction.

Other stories make me laugh out loud, only at the poster, not with them.

Last night DH who’s an artist went to work in studio. He likes to drink beer when he’s creating his art. When he came in he passed out which was fine. Then at 3a.m. he woke up and went into the hallway to pee on the wall. I tried to wake DH up so he’d stop but it didn’t work so I put a towel over it. When he came back to bed he laughed and farted on me. I couldn’t sleep so I watched some TV. When I finally fell back asleep and cat woke me up because it was hungry so I went to get it some food and stepped in the pee and then this morning when DH woke up he didn’t want to clean up his mess and I told him he had to but he said he wouldn’t until after work. Then DH said he didn’t feel good enough to go to work and I told him he had to because he needs to save his days off for when the baby comes. And then the muffler fell off of my truck and it’s loud.

This woman is married to an “artist” who gets shitfaced, pisses on the wall, farts on her, and won’t clean up his own urine. Yet, she insists upon referring to the guy as DH, for Dear Husband. Wouldn’t Dick Head be more appropriate?

I mean really, who are these people and why are they breeding? For every normal woman, there are 3 unwed mothers with abusive boyfriends, and 2 women married to men who’ve done time. For every person who asks a real question about what kind of car seat to buy there are 6 who want to vent about how mad they are that their baby shower is going to be on a Saturday and they wanted it on a Sunday and now it’s completely ruined and it’s not fair because DH’s sister got to have her shower when she wanted it and am I acting (LOL) like a brat.

Why can’t I stay away?