girlfiend

Traveling during late pregnancy can be fun, even without the aid of fruity drinks with little umbrellas.

In this photo, we see me engaging in a round of miniature golf. While golfing one can get a little exercise and enjoy the warm Florida climate. Upon our arrival at Boomers we were nearly swept into the middle of what appeared to be a gang fight. On closer inspection it became clear that it was not a gang fight, rather the majority of the black clientele were loudly encouraging two black male youths to kick the crap out of each other while the staff tried to break it up. I love watching middle aged women start shit. We walked around the melee and purchased our golfing tickets. Aside from the chance of getting struck by an errant ball or a poorly swung club, and the slight possibility of getting one’s ass kicked by punk kids, not much danger exists at the mini golf course.

In our next photo we have what’s commonly referred to as the beached whale. Or if you’re not me, perhaps you’d just call it a very pregnant chick on the beach. In truth, I didn’t spend more than a few minutes on the beach. Because of the lack of beach chairs and my newfound inability to to sit on the ground comfortably and rise from a seated position without a great deal of assistance, most of our time was spent poolside where the lounge chairs were. By the pool I finished two books, soon to be added to the sidebar, and a Philadelphia magazine. I also learned that swimming while pregnant is wonderful. Weightlessness is a gift from the gods, except for when you get out of the pool and feel like you’re wearing a cememt suit. Lounging by the pool and standing on the beach are both safe while pregnant activities.

In hindsight, our next activity probably wasn’t the brightest idea. It was a warm day, but it was overcast. It rained during the morning and it wasn’t clear if it would rain later in the afternoon. Rather than sit around and watch movies and play video games we decided to head to Miami’s South Beach for some good old-fashioned sight seeing. So far, so good- no real danger there. But Boyfiend, an adventurer at heart thought that we needed a little more action so he looked into a Segway tour of the Art Deco district. Upon learning that the tour was to last 2 hours, I decided that wasn’t such a great idea. I don’t need that kind of pressure. Rather than give up, Boyfiend found a place that rented Segways without a tour.

We got there, they turned them on for us, and set us loose with minimal instruction. By minimal I mean none. Boyfiend and our gracious host E figured them out much sooner than I did. I had no trouble with balance, but because I was pregnant they gave me the biggest of the three which was also the fastest and hardest to maneuver. I could go forward and stop and turn, but it certainly didn’t feel natural or safe. Crossing the street was terrifying. Once we got to the beachside path, Boyfiend and I switched machines. In this picture he’s riding the larger, faster one. In my experience Segways aren’t something you see every day. Apparently I’m not the only one, because we appeared to be quite the tourist attraction on our little tour. As we approached people pointed and laughed then gaped as they realized just how pregnant I am. The stares certainly didn’t help up my confidence level, nor did the groups of people who blocked my path, forcing me to steer around them. At one point I nearly ran down an unleashed toy poodle.

You can’t tell, but in the picture of E and me, I had just narrowly avoided taking out the chick on the roller blades (who knew how to use them about as well as I knew how to use the Segway.) If you look closely you can see how calm E is compared to the smile that’s frozen upon my face. It’s a wonder I didn’t kill myself or someone else.

Aside from the terror, it was a good time. The scenery was terrific, and Boyfiend zoomed around looking like GOB from Arrested Development.

To summarize, when vacationing in southern Florida mini golf and sunning are safe pregnancy activities. Renting a Segway, not getting any instructions on how to use the damn things, and taking a self-guided, helmetless tour through a crowd is probably not so safe. But it’s fun. Really, really fun.