{ 2006 11 15 }

Martini playdate anyone?

I’m not good at making friends. Aside from Doodlebug, who I was set up with, I haven’t made a new friend in years. I know that that’s not unusual, especially since I’m old and married and lame, but having mom friends is important and I only have two who live nearby. In the past eight months I’ve managed to chat up at least half a dozen moms at the playground, but I’ve never quite made it to the next step, the playdate step, which is clearly where I need to be right now.

A woman pushing a stroller down my street once gave me her phone number. When I called and left a message I never heard back. Another woman in Target, clearly desperate for friendship never called back either. Yet, Doodlebug somehow manages to get invitations to weekly strolls in the park, coffee dates and who knows what other mom/baby meetings.
I know that many people make friends online and make the transition to a real friendship. Not me. Aside from the people I actually know in real life I haven’t really befriended any bloggers. I’ve private messaged with people on my local message board and I’ve emailed with a number of people sporadically, but then they stop emailing back and I start to feel insecure and bad about myself. I wonder how I’ve offended them and I go back over my sent mail and scour it for anything that could be taken the wrong way. Later I realize I’m the one who forgot to write back, and I feel like an asshole, an insecure asshole who doesn’t know how to make friends, all over again. Insecurities aside, the majority of the people I’ve written to live so far away we couldn’t be friends in real life anyway.

Because I’m so bad at maintaining contact it’s a wonder I’ve ever actually met any bloggers in real life on purpose. But once, just once, I did. We met at a bar in my old neighborhood for food and drinks and I felt awkward. Really, really awkward. I wasn’t sure what to talk about. No one seemed to be talking about their blogs and that was all I really knew about them and all we outwardly had in common. We made conversation and I certainly didn’t have a bad time, but I noticed no one was really banging down my door trying to arrange future meetups, nor was I brave enough to try to try to arrange any myself. Getting together with that particular group just kind of made me feel old and lame and sad because I really wanted to make friends and failed.

So the other day (now last week) when I ran into a blogger at the playground I said hi even though I was afraid to. A few months ago I’d tried to get her involved in another project and she’d said no and even though it wasn’t personal I’m not good with rejection. I assumed she probably didn’t want want to talk to me, but I knew if I didn’t say something I’d just stare at her and she’d probably think I was some sort of creepy stalker so I said hi and we chatted, awkwardly. I had at least half a dozen questions I wanted to ask her, but based on my previous experience with bloggers not talking about their blogs in real life meetings I didn’t, even though she asked about blog-related things in my life. I tried to act as though I wasn’t completely intimidated, but I was, and when she gathered her kids and left I felt like I’d failed a pop quiz.

Anyway, it’s nice out today. Hopefully the Fiendling will take a nap soon and afterwards we’ll go to the playground. Maybe I’ll manage to score a playdate this time.

Posted by girlfiend on Wednesday, November 15th, 2006, at 11:50 am, and filed under bloggity blog blog blog, general discontent, me, motherhood.

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