girlfiend

Every time the Fiendling sneezes a strand of snot dangles from his nose like a pendulum, swinging back and forth until I wipe it with a tissue or until he smears it across his face where it sits, sticky, collecting lint and cat hair. When do babies learn how to blow their noses? There’s no point in getting dressed because anything I wear will have shiny smears all over it by the end of the day.

Last night was the first night in well over a week that I didn’t get any sleep and it sucked. I don’t know if it’s his cold or the fact that he’s getting closer and closer to full-on walking, but something woke the Fiendling up four hours after he went down and he couldn’t get back to sleep. Against my better judgment, knowing I wasn’t going to get any sleep either way, I brought him into bed with us where he nursed on and off all night, crying and tearing at my shirt when the milk source wasn’t readily available. All morning he’s been doing the same thing- tugging at me and whining, wanting comfort when all I want is to be left alone. I just want to take a nap without little hands slapping and scratching at me. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but fuck, I’m exhausted and I’m sick of being pawed and sucked on, especially since I know he’s not hungry. But that makes me feel worse because he justs wants comfort and I don’t want to give it.

My bronchitis, after a lovely interlude, has returned. I’ve been taking cough medicine, but it doesn’t matter. The bronchitis has a mind of its own and based on my last two bouts of it I’m sure it will linger until the spring. It’s not even worth going to the doctor. They’ll just prescribe an antibiotic that won’t work and cough medicine with codeine that doesn’t help me sleep through the night.

I made Beef Bourguignonne for dinner last night. It was a three day project. The beef marinated for a day, cooked for a few hours the next, then sat overnight because all of the recipe reviews online said it was better the next day. It was good. I served it with roasted garlic Yukon Gold mashed potatoes and creamed spinach which I made because I had heavy cream leftover from something I made though I can’t remember what. The other day I made buttermilk fried chicken which was also good and buttermilk biscuits which were not so good. For some reason they didn’t rise the way they’re supposed to. I wonder if my baking soda is too old. The last several batches of chocolate chip cookies I’ve made have been pretty flat too. For Valentine’s day I made chocolate cake with a mocha frosting. I prefer yellow cake to chocolate, but I don’t have a good recipe for it. Boyfiend prefers chocolate cake anyway. I suppose I could just buy a box of yellow cake mix, but it’s been so long since I made something like that from a box it would feel like cheating.

Yesterday my mom gave me a pair of pants. She told me that she was giving them to me because I don’t have any nice clothes. I responded that her comment was insulting and I do have nice clothes. She said that she never sees me in them. I said yes, because I only ever see her on my way to the gym. She conceded my point and apologized.

This is going to be a very long day.