Failure

I’m a pretty good cook. I read a lot of cookbooks, I’m not afraid to experiment, and aside from the ravioli incident I don’t usually have too much trouble. But for some reason I cannot, for the life of me, successfully make chocolate chip cookies. A four layer chocolate cake from scratch? Not a problem. Pumpkin cheesecake with a ginger crust? Child’s play. Oatmeal butterscotch cookies are easy as pie. But chocolate chip cookies? I suck.

They always look lovely when I open the oven door, but as soon as they hit the air of the kitchen they begin to spread and flatten, leaving pockmarked crepes with bulbous chocolate chip lumps. Not pretty. Tasty, but not pretty. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve experimented with the temperature of the butter, I’ve used the stand mixer, a hand mixer and my hands to mix. I’ve tried the recipe on the chip bag and the recipes in three different cookbooks. I’ve put them on the cookie sheet in rounded tablespoons and teaspoons wondering if it was the size of the uncooked dough that was the problem. I bought new baking soda. I still fuck it up every time.