Dear Squirrel,
I still don’t like you and I still blame you for eating my green bean seedlings. However I must apologize for calling you fuckers for eating my eggplant. I’m sorry. It was not you. It was a motherfucking raccoon. A fucking raccoon, squirrel. In my garden, eating my eggplant.
My sincerest apologies,
Girlfiend
p.s. I still don’t want you in my garden. Back off.
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