Christmas Cards

We don’t send Christmas cards. It’s a holiday tradition I don’t want to get into for many reasons, aside the obvious reason that I’m Jewish. First of all, it’s expensive. My son is so cute I’d have to send out photo cards. Based on the photo invitations for Fiendling’s birthday we’re looking at 35 cards minimum but you generally have to buy 25 at a time so that’s fifty. Then there’s the postage. The whole thing costs a fortune. Even with discount codes and coupons it’s the equivalent of an electric bill.

Then there’s the the responsibility. Once you start sending them you can’t stop. People start to expect your cards and wonder when they’ll receive them. If you put in a letter then you’re stuck with that too. Every year I look forward to the trainwreck of a letter one of Boyfiend’s family friends sends out. The year her son got his girlfriend pregnant, dropped out of college and gained 20 lbs in pizza was a classic. I’m afraid of starting that tradition.

We can’t forget the pressure of actually taking a photo if you send photo greetings. If you just do your kids it’s one thing. You can often get away with using a recent snapshot. But most people aren’t content for a simple snapshot and want something holiday-themed. For those who take the pictures themselves there must be posing in front of a decorated tree. Children are often stuffed into their holiday finery and unless they’re girly girls who like dressing up they’re uncomfortable and would rather be playing someplace else. Parents must cajole and wheedle and beg (or yell and lecture and threaten) to get an in-focus picture of a smiling child. With each additional child the odds of them looking good get exponentially worse. If you’re throwing a pet into the mix you’re really screwed.

The studio photos are the worst. Unless a photographer who insists on photo-journalism takes the photos, studio photos inevitably look forced, posed and cheesy. Add matching or color-coordinating outfits to the mix and you’re really upping the cheese-factor. Why not just, as Boyfiend suggested, go to an Old Timey photo place on the boardwalk and take pictures dressed as whores and gunslingers? Or, as his father suggested, stand behind one of those cutouts often seen at amusement parks- stick your families faces in the holes and become Santa, Mrs. Claus and a couple of elves.

So now we’ve got a lineup of Christmas cards in our hallway. It’s been light this year and we’ve received less than ten- six photo cards and a few generic, one pre-printed generic so the sender didn’t even have to sign it herself. I plan on detailing my horror and amusement at one card in particular, but first I’d like to hear about your thoughts and experiences. Comments please.