girlfiend

I hope I didn’t make it seem like I don’t like receiving Christmas cards. I do. I just don’t want to get into sending them every year for all of the reasons I described. We don’t even have a tree yet, so if I wanted a cute picture of the Fiendling in front of it, maybe sitting with all of the cats in matching Santa hats I’d have to photoshop one in. And our annual letter would pretty much be me complaining about my boobs and lack of sleep with some updates about our brilliant, still-nursing, never-sleeping toddler who was accidentally broken by his mother. I’m still feeling pretty guilty about that leg. Anyway, I like getting them. I just don’t want to get into the mailing of them every year for the rest of my life.

As I mentioned yesterday we received a couple of doozies this year. The first photo card we received pictured Boyfiend’s cousin, his wife, two kids and the dog posed outside. All of them except the dog were wearing blue jeans and white turtlenecks. The background of the card was green with a generic holiday greeting. The wife, ordinarily an attractive woman, looked pretty bad in the picture. Almost angry. The next day when the mail arrived we learned why she looked so angry.

The next Christmas card, on a red background with generic holiday greeting, pictured Boyfiend’s cousin, wife and two kids (no do) pictured outside along with Boyfiend’s aunt, uncle, other cousin, her husband and two kids. Yes, they were all wearing jeans and white turtlenecks or white button-down shirts. Everyone in the picture except for Boyfiend’s aunt and uncle and two of the kids looks miserable.
To make it worse, two days later we got the third card in the series. This one was Boyfiend’s other cousin, her husband and two kids pictured in the same exact spot outdoors. The green background and generic holiday greeting was identical to the other cousin’s card. Awesome.

But these cards weren’t even bad compared to the one we got on Monday. The mail came late and I opened a photo card from some family friends. The card pictured their one-year-old baby. The picture wasn’t that great, which is surprising in a Christmas card and surprising from the couple who sent it. The last photos we received from them, in the form of a birthday party invitation, were adorable. Their daughter was well dressed, smily and all-around adorable in the series of three pictures chosen. Their Christmas card was just lame. The daughter isn’t wearing anything particularly cute and the picture is sort of far away and out of focus. Then I noticed that she was holding something.

My first reaction was, no she isn’t. I looked again. No fucking way. Mix was over and I confirmed my suspicions with him. Then I called my sister-in-law and asked if she’d gotten their card. She said, “You see it too? I wasn’t sure if that’s what it was.” She said she’d wait for her husband to get home to see if he saw it too and that I should call my other sister-in-law. My other sister-in-law hadn’t yet received the card but her interest was piqued and she and her fiance came over to see it. Her fiance asked, “Is that an epi-pen? A toothbrush? What is that?”

My SIL was on the phone with my FIL at the time and asked him if they’d gotten the card yet. They did. His response to the question of what the little girl was holding was, “Is that one of those things women pee on before they go to the doctor to find out if they’re pregnant?” Ding ding ding! She was holding a home pregnancy test, which may or may not have been peed on just prior to the photo shoot.

What a totally inappropriate pregnancy announcement! It may be cheesy, but I far prefer the classic “big sister” or “big brother” t-shirt or sign to the pee stick.

Have you gotten any good ones?