girlfiend

So far 27 months is miserable. The Fiendling, totally shell shocked from the birth of his little brother, is not himself. Four weeks into big brotherhood and he’s still sad, angry and regressing. Right now I’m stuck in the house with him because after trying to kick his baby brother off of the couch and hitting me when he was in time out I told him we wouldn’t be going to story hour if he hit me again. Of course when he got up from time out and gave me a hug and a kiss he promptly hit me in the back twice as I walked back into the other room. So no story hour.

He might be getting a little better. He’s not hitting, biting or kicking quite as often as he was a few weeks ago, and he’s cuddly with me again, but it’s been a shitty couple of weeks. It doesn’t help that he got some sort of virus that led to a fever, snotty nose, and terrible cough. It also doesn’t help that we’re in the middle of a god-awful heat wave and it’s been in the high 90s with a heat index in the 100s. His third floor bedroom is ridiculously hot and the sound of him coughing over the monitor was keeping me awake so he’s been sleeping in our room. He didn’t accept the mattress on the floor. He preferred to sleep in the pack n play, or the green crib as he calls it, since the baby gets to sleep in the blue crib in our room. I fear we won’t be able to move him out after the illness and heat subside, but at least he’s been sleeping through the night.

He no longer plays nicely with any of his friends, yanking toys from them and shouting, “It’s mine!!” at the top of his lungs. He screams open-mouthed, arms extended as soon as another kid touches anything, whether he wants it or not. It’s embarrassing to have play dates where he argues and fights and whines and cries the whole time but it’s worse when we’re stuck in the house.

Now when he’s tired or sad he’s taken to saying, “Mommy, Daddy, Fiendling,” clearly mourning the loss of our three person family. It breaks my heart to hear it.

Good news? Ummm. Well, I guess he’s getting better at speaking. He speaks in complete sentences a good portion of the time and is using pronouns (usually incorrectly) instead of his name. He plays very nicely by himself and can occupy himself with his toys and trains for long periods of time. He’s interested in longer books these days and has discovered The Cat in the Hat. It’s nice to no longer have to read Thomas stories every night. He’s still sweet and cuddly with me when the baby’s not around and I’ve been spending as much one-on-one time with him as I can. Now instead of taking the Fiendling out when he gets home, Boyfiend takes the baby so the Fiendling and I can spend some special mommy-Fiendling time together.

Sometimes he’s sweet to his baby brother, kissing him and telling him, “It’s okay,” when he cries.

It blows that I just can’t think of anymore nice things to say right now. I love him so much, but things have just been so hard. I dread hearing his screams of “It’s mine,” and I dread being alone with him and the baby. I hate letting the baby cry to get to the Fiendling first and putting the baby down in a room out of sight and out of reach to keep him safe. I feel like I just can’t baby this baby the way I babied the Fiendling and I know he’ll never get the full benefit of cuddling all day long. The poor kid gets yanked and pulled almost every time he’s on my lap when the Fiendling’s in the same room.

Fiendling, I am so sorry you feel so awful. I am so sorry that you’re angry and sad. I am doing everything I can to let you know that you’re loved and wanted and every bit as important to us as you were four weeks ago. I just hope that this stage ends, because I don’t know if I can handle this forever.