Comments on: The housewife’s lament

By: La la Loush

La la Loush — Tue, 26 May 2009 02:43:37 +0000

I totally get it and am in the same boat myself. B works 6 days a week and on Sunday we all have to chip in and clean the house again. (As if I hadn’t already done it the prior six days) But kids are messy. People, mostly men will try to find solutions for you because that’s what they think you want. You know there isn’t much of a solution, but I sympathise and know what you are going through. I’m kind of at a point where I seriously feel as though I may have to book myself into an asylum to get some time out. I fear the kids getting ill to the point that if they complain of a tummy ache, I’m straight for the loo being ill myself. B doesn’t understand this anxiety, and probably never will. The only solution I can see is for us to pack ourselves up and go on a month long holiday somewhere by ourselves. No children permitted.

By: Doodlebug

Doodlebug — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:59:21 +0000

I feel for you not getting any time to yourself. You deserve some time for you that doesn’t involve Shop Rite.

On the friend issue I’d just like to say that all of the people I’ve become friends with since we moved here (4 years ago) have kids. And most of our shared experiences involve our children in some way or another. But that’s not to say that I don’t consider them friends. I miss the days when I had few responsibilities and the things I did with my friends were more fun and focused on our own interests (versus the kids’ interests), but having children the same age is something I have in common with you. And it’s a part of our friendship, a big part, but just a part, I hope. I don’t know if we’d be friends if it weren’t for our kids and the experiences we’ve had with them, but I consider you my friend and I’m glad that you are.

An afterthought: Now that Pancake is here I’ve been thinking a lot about when BD was her age and how we used to take four-hour walks along the Wissahickon Creek and push our babies up the incredibly steep hill from Main Street. We talked and talked for such long periods. Those days are no longer, but they were nice while they lasted.

By: Jo-Ann

Jo-Ann — Tue, 19 May 2009 04:29:52 +0000

I have not had enough time in weeks to blog. My kingdom for 2 hours alone.

I really understand.

My sitter time once a week in the AM is always used up sleeping after getting off of work at 4am.

Friends……what friends

By: Erin

Erin — Tue, 19 May 2009 01:28:41 +0000

It’s not much but I finally got a sitter one morning a week. It’s just three hours but I wait for those 3 hours ALL week long. Sometimes I don’t even know what to do with myself, but it’s time alone. It’s helped a lot.

By: martha

martha — Tue, 19 May 2009 01:14:17 +0000

I understand, I feel the same way. I have talked to my husband so many times about this, but I think that he is finally getting it. On weekends he helps with the kids as much as he can and if he has to go to the store he’ll take one but there has been times that he has taken both.
This weekend we were had friends over(actually my husbands co workers, which have no kids). We ate, talked, joked, and we did not mention the kids, which was a big plus. That day the kids did not take a nap on purpose, so that they could sleep while we had our adult time.

By: Lasha

Lasha — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:27:25 +0000

Still working on that one myself. If being at home is my work, that don’t I deserve some down time too? I understand the need to decompress after work, but when does that happen? Cooking dinner while he plays with the toddler? Still work. I often wonder (aloud) if I was teaching right now, would I still be the one picking up all the slack? My guess is “yes.”

We are getting better though, and I agree that I have to be the one to carve out the time and stick with it. But it’s much to easy to just let it slide.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Mon, 18 May 2009 20:49:51 +0000

A-freaking-men. Ha, friends? If it wasn’t for this glowing box, I would have no communication. I work at home, so at least I’m communicating, but they are colleague, not compadres. Know when I’m starting to carve my own time out? 5 am. At the gym. Only time in the day its going to happen.

By: Katie

Katie — Mon, 18 May 2009 14:23:36 +0000

My best friend from childhood stayed home with two kids before I had mine. She told me early on that she does not take care of two children by herself on the weekends. EVER. I’ve kind of adopted that attitude myself. It’s not a hard and fast rule at our house. My husband does get out of the house more than I do on the weekends. Usually he takes one of them with him, though, so that I can get at least a little break. I did learn, though, that if I don’t adopt an attitude of entitlement, I won’t get any break. He is so used to walking out the door unencumbered. And even if he’s doing things for the family like shopping he thinks he should go alone because it’ll be faster and easier. Hell, yeah it’s easier. Try it with two like I do while you’re at work, buddy. I don’t begrudge him his own time when he needs it, but we have to schedule it evenly. Mostly.

So, call your friends from before you had kids. Schedule something in advance so boyfiend knows when he’ll be in charge. Try to take care of yourself so you can take care of others even better.

By: lora

lora — Mon, 18 May 2009 13:37:36 +0000

you can always come to my house on Wednesdays. It’s like a refuge from life, I promise. And the kids can come if you can’t get away, but they can play in the living room or yard while we girls hang out in the dining room.

This isn’t a courtesy invite, you truly are welcome. I can give you my address any time you want it.

By: caro

caro — Mon, 18 May 2009 13:20:26 +0000

Aaagh, I sympathize. I’m still learning to ask for the time I need without feeling guilty for it. It sucks that we women often feel we have to “ask” for time to ourselves while men can so often just take it.