girlfiend

After the Fiendling was born I could not lose the weight. I was puffy and bloated forever and despite my careful attention to diet and exercise I couldn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy pants for 9 months. Three weeks after the birth of number 2 I’m small again. I’m not pre-pregnancy size and I don’t plan on trying on my jeans for a few more months, but I’m not puffy or bloated. I’m surprised when I look in the mirror by how much I look like myself. I don’t know what happened and I’m not complaining. This is a gift.

Remember how I said I wasn’t going to diet*?

The next day I stepped on the scale and learned that the 5-6 pounds I gained was more like 8. It really snuck up on me. Considering I still work out 3 days a week and eat pretty well, I couldn’t figure out where it came from. Then I remembered. Like many mothers before me I’ve fallen into the trap of eating what the baby doesn’t. Sort of. I don’t finish what’s on his plate or anything, but I tend to eat what he eats for lunch and Cheddar Bunnies and various types of cheesy rice and pasta aren’t the lowest calorie foods.

I think the few bites of his meals in addition to the regularly scheduled meals have really caught up with me. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be and even though I’m still working out I’m not working out with the intensity I once did. I used to work out for two hours at a time. I was lifting 3 days, doing yoga 3 days and doing cardio 5 days a week. Now I’m lucky if I lift 3 days and fit in cardio 2 days. I went to yoga for the first time since early May yesterday.

But I’m still not going to diet. On Saturday I decided to document everything I ate. Because I was writing it down (and I wrote down the three bites of black cherry water ice) I was conscious of what went into my mouth. Instead of eating every bite the Fiendling tried to feed me, and he loves feeding other people, I said “no thanks” and kept my mouth shut. Instead of the usual bagel for breakfast I made a fruit smoothie. Instead of goat cheese and crackers for lunch I ate homemade hummus and beet greens with sauteed garlic scapes on whole wheat pita. I ate a bunch of fresh fruit and a few crackers with peanut butter for snacks. For dinner I ate most of a tofu, rice and cheese stuffed pepper with a side of swiss chard.

I stopped writing stuff down after lunch yesterday, but I’m still paying close attention to what I eat. Since I weighed myself on Friday morning I’ve lost 2 pounds. I’d like to lose a few more so my too-small shorts will button over my gut again. It will be interesting to see if I lose any more by next week when I weigh myself again.

*In that post I referenced maternity fashion. Today at Old Navy almost every fucking mannequin looked pregnant. This hoodie looks just like every maternity shirt I bought from Old Navy. And the trapeze shirt? It appears to nip in at the waist in the photo on the website, but the model in the picture in the store looked like she was wearing a tent. It’s wrong, I tell you. Though perhaps not as wrong as the maternity-like dress with a balloon sleeve.

I feel sort of pathetic for being so obsessed with this, but I’m at my mom’s shore house and shore means bathing suit so it’s on my mind.

After the great stomach flu incidents I’ve gained back some of the weight I lost. Not a lot. Just 5 or 6 pounds. But those pounds mean that two pairs of shorts don’t fit comfortably and I have a rule that I absolutely refuse to even attempt to wear something that doesn’t fit comfortably. So for shorts I’m down to two pairs I bought from Target on a whim (that fit okay, but not well by any stretch of the imagination) and last year’s way too big post-pregnancy shorts. I have one casual, flowy (yet totally see through) skirt, one long linen way-too wrinkly skirt, and a denim skirt that’s not flattering so I won’t wear it any more. I have one pair of denim capris that are way too hot, but I wear them almost every day and one pair of khaki stretch capris from Old Navy that still fit, but are super-low rise so I only wear them when a shirt of the appropriate length is clean. And almost none of my shirts are long enough. All of the pre-pregnancy stuff is still way too small on top and I’m beginning to think I just wore a lot of belly shirts because my belly was once toned and flat. Now? It’s not toned and flat enough for me to be okay with belly shirts. I have three new t-shirts of appropriate lengths, a couple of nicer t-shirts to wear out, and four long tank tops.

Now that I’ve listed it it’s not a terrible selection, but it’s tough to go to playgroup once a week and think, oh shit, I wore this exact outfit last week.

And the extra weight? I’ve decided not to lose. I thought about it and even stopped eating carbs after noon one day. But then I figured that I may try to get pregnant again at some point and what’s the point of suffering when I’m still nursing? So I’m not buying any new clothes. And I’m not dieting. And let’s hope I do decide to get pregnant soon because tell me internet, what’s up with the maternity clothes? Seriously. The fashion, yes, I said fashion, is maternity. I went to a college graduation party and I was very worried that EVERY WOMAN THERE was pregnant until I realized that they were all just wearing shirts or dresses with empire waists. Look at this. And this. And this. Because, really, they all look like they could be maternity clothes and that’s not right, because when I was pregnant I would have killed for cute, regular, non-maternity clothes that were forgiving enough to be warn as maternity. So if you’re pregnant, you’re really lucky. And if you’re not, wear something that doesn’t make people wonder if that’s a bump you’re hiding.

I’ve been tagged by Fraulein N. I feel like I constantly repeat myself when I do these things but I’ll do it anyway. These are the rules:

Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I suck at folding laundry and often leave it to wrinkle in the basket after it’s washed and dried
2. Yesterday I began using my google calendar in earnest since it’s spring and all of a sudden not only are we invited places again, there are a few days where we have more than one commitment.
3. Even though I can be obsessive about cleaning I still haven’t touched the cat puke on the windowsill that’s been there since Tuesday.
4. Remember the bronchitis that I’ve had on and off since July and haven’t written about in a while? Mostly gone. I finally went to a decent doctor and got put on about a gazillion different medications and I haven’t woken up coughing in almost a week.
5. But the medications have had nasty side effects- splitting headaches, abdominal cramps, dizziness, and sunburn. I’ve been walking around in my beach hat for the past three days.
6. I was going to add the book I finished the other night to my 50 books page only I couldn’t remember the name and rather than go into the bedroom and look at the title I’ve been searching on Amazon for the past 5 minutes trying to figure it out based on the search phrase “literacy los angeles”
7. I just successfully googled it on my first try- Literacy and Longing in L.A.
8. Watching Ugly Betty I just had a craving for empanadas. The frozen Goya kind.

I don’t usually tag people because I almost never get tagged so I’ll throw caution to the wind and tag Mix because I always tag him when I get tagged, Madgirl because I forgot to tell her I wouldn’t make it to knitting on Monday and I hope she wasn’t there by herself, Doodlebug because her lists are always interesting, Chris Lehmann because I have a feeling he doesn’t get tagged for too many silly memes, Lawmummy because she has too much spare time, Natasha because she really made me want a thai ice coffee the other day, MV because she had her little girl Gabriela and I want to say congratulations and what better way to congratulate someone than to tag them for a meme. And I’ll tag Liz because Owen’s a cutie.

(I’m skipping the rule about leaving comments so if you were tagged and didn’t get a comment from me it’s because I have no regard for the rules.)

The Fiendling has his first swimming class tomorrow which means I have to wear my first bathing suit of the season. I went up to the third floor where I keep my out of season clothes and dug through the two boxes that house the contents of the top two drawers from my old house. For those of you not keeping track, we moved here almost two years ago when I was about eleven weeks pregnant. I’d already gained ten pounds and a good cup size. Rather than torment myself with bathing suits, bras and underwear that didn’t fit I packed them and shoved them, boxed, to the bottom of a closet where they still remain.

I started sorting through the boxes, pulling out lots of pretty lingerie, slutty lingerie, ratty old bras I should have thrown out years ago, my something blue underwear with “bride” written in rhinestones I’d totally forgotten about, and I came across an unassuming beige bra that made me stop digging. The bra was the tiniest non-baby clothing I’ve seen in a long time. So tiny I had to check the size to make sure that it actually was once mine. It was. I saw a tiny pink ribbon on the tag and remembered buying it at a specialty bra store on Main Street a few years ago. At the time I didn’t mind that it was way too expensive because two dollars went to breast cancer research, it fit well and I hadn’t had a bra that fit well in a long time.

Now, three years later, I still don’t have a bra that fits well. Since I’m still nursing once or twice a day I don’t even know that it’s worth buying one. But seriously, the bra was minuscule. I didn’t even consider trying it on. I wonder if it will ever fit again.

Yesterday I went to my first yoga class in more than a month. At first I was just busy on Sundays and the weekday evening classes are out because of the baby’s early bedtime. Then it had been so long I stopped trying to go and used any excuse not to. But yesterday, even though I casually suggested that I didn’t have to go several times, Boyfiend said to go so I did and I was surprised to find that I’m pretty much back to my pre-pregnancy shape. All of the things I wasn’t quite strong enough to do while pregnant and after the birth are like second nature again. My shoulders are still tight and I can’t comfortably do wheel pose but I can jump from flat back to chatturanga and from down dog to forward fold without a struggle. It’s nice to feel like myself again.

I’ve been avoiding writing lately. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’ll be a year old on Thursday. I can’t believe it’s been a year. One year ago today was my due date and I was freaking out. I was also enormous.

I know I’ve done this many times and there’s very little regular readers don’t already know, but since I’ve been tagged by  lisamechelle I’ll do it again.

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 5-10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs…

1. I’d have a Bert-style unibrow if I didn’t pluck obsessively.

2. After reading the book Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret when I was five or six I practiced raising my left eyebrow in the mirror until I could do it effortlessly. Now my eyebrows are uncontrollable. I have no poker face because my eyebrows give everything away.

3. People tell me I smile all of the time, which I find difficult to believe since I’m usually so damned cranky.

4. I read ridiculously quickly without trying. It was always painful in school when we had to read in class because I’d finish a good 10 minutes before everyone else.

5. The same goes with test taking. I always finish first and go back over my answers two or three times waiting until at least one other person has finished before turning it in. The standardized tests like the Praxis, where you’re not allowed to do anything when you finish are painful.

6. My fingernails are always dirty and uneven.

7. I am a terrible dancer. Truly terrible. So bad I had friends who used to show the part of their wedding video that featured my spastic dancing to everyone who visited their house. Fuckers.

8. My nickname for the Fiendling is Smooshy. Or Smushy. How would you spell it?

9. Aside from typos and a few lapses- Smooshy vs. Smushy- I am a naturally good speller.

10. When Uggs got popular a few years ago I was slightly bitter because the Uggs that I’ve worn as winter boots since 1997 were too water-stained to be fashionable. I’m not the type to wear them with miniskirts anyway.
I’m not tagging anyone, but if you choose to participate let me know in the comments and I’ll check it out.

Lawmummy tagged me for this meme which I’m pretty sure I’ve done before, but I can’t find it in the archives so I’ll give it another go.

Five things you might not know about me.
1. I seriously considered moving to Portugal to be with a guy I met on vacation.
2. Howard 100 is my favorite radio station, closely followed by Sirius 26, Left of Center.

3. When it came to dance and gymnastics I was hopelessly uncoordinated and I was always incredibly embarrassed when I was forced to engage in those activities in elementary school and summer camp. I could never do the grapevine properly and I once caused an entire line of people to fall when I turned in the wrong direction during an open dress rehearsal for a musical.

4. Last weekend I got a haircut and I hate it.
5. I’m five books away from completing the 50 Book Challenge and I have only two more days in which to do it. Last night, because I hadn’t read it and it seemed like an easy read, I picked up a book that I’d otherwise never consider reading from my pre-teen library. I got to page eleven in about two minutes, and it was so bad I had to put it down. The book? The Boy-Oh-Boy Next Door, a Full House book about Stephanie.

My cell phone officially shit the bed. I’d blame it on the Fiendling’s love of chewing technology, but really it’s my fault for letting him and dropping it a few times too many. We took a ride out to the cell phone store the other day, as I’ve been itching for a camera phone. It’s tough taking pictures for the Unfortunate Fashion pool when you have a real camera. It turned out that I wasn’t eligible for an upgrade until April so I’d have to pay way too much money for any phone at all, including their shitty, no-frills models. The woman at the counter, clearly in love with my handsome baby whispered, “Go across the street to Radioshack, buy a pay as you go phone and swap the sim card.” Sure enough, for $20 I got a cheap ass, but working phone, and if it lasts until April I’m golden. I can wait until then for a camera phone. It will be a belated birthday present to myself.

After purchasing my new, cheap phone we got news that we’ve been victims of identity theft. Sweet, right? We got a call from a store’s fraud prevention department thanking us for our order, which obviously we never placed. The fraud department was closed by the  time we called so we ended up talking to someone in the sales department who was pretty damn useless. He was able to tell us what was ordered and that it would be delivered to us, at our house, by Fedex the next day. Then the information got fuzzy. My name was somehow linked to the order and he said I’d placed it on 11/25/05. Huh?

The next morning, yesterday, I called back and spoke to the fraud department. Someone opened a store account in Boyfiend’s name online and ordered $3500 worth of cameras. Oddly, they put our address and phone number on the order. She didn’t have my name on any of her information, but she was able to give me the number to cancel Boyfiend’s store account and she canceled the shipment. When Boyfiend called later he was told that we had to each put fraud alerts on our names and social security numbers.

Of the three credit organizations I was able to see my credit reports for two. The one that I placed the fraud alert through wouldn’t let me see my credit report because they’re assholes who want you to buy fraud insurance before they’ll let you see your FREE credit report. Now I have to wait until they mail me some packet with some code so I can do it online. So far, based on the two I could see, it looks like I’m okay and that no one’s opened anything in my name. Boyfiend was only able to see one of his reports for some reason and that one was fine, but still, someone out there has our name, address, phone number and his social security number and opened an account in his name. They have my name too, which is completely different from his since I never changed it after we married. It’s all scary and pretty fucked up.

Friday I got a call from the stupid tech department of the computer warranty company. At the time it looked like they were going to replace my laptop. The manager was waiting for official confirmation. That was Friday. I’ve heard nothing since. So I might get a new laptop free. Or I might not. We’ll see.

After a rather uncomfortable week my sister-in-law, with contractions five minutes apart arrived at the hospital to learn she was only a centimeter dilated and was going to be sent home. But then they checked her urine and saw she had pre-eclampsia  and admitted her anyway. The Fiendling’s first cousin, a beautiful baby girl with a lot of hair, was born yesterday around 6 p.m. via c-section.  Mom and dad were exhausted, but happy. I can’t wait to go back to the hospital to visit today.

I feel like this has been the longest week ever and it’s only Thursday.

You’d think, based on my previous obsession with them, that as soon as the jeans fit, really fit, I’d have said something, but somehow that milestone passed without too much fanfare. The jeans are now slightly too big. In fact, all of my pre-pregnancy pants, at least those that are seasonably appropriate are a little on the loose side.

The scales say I’m not quite down to pre-pregnancy weight, which I believe since my tops are all still too small. I’m not certain (like the pants it could just take time) but I’m pretty sure the Fiendling officially stretched out my ribcage forever, and my extra-small and small button-down shirts will never button without weird gaps again. Even the t-shirts are way too small, hitting my belly button instead of my waist. But that’s okay. I can live with a stretched out, uneven ribcage if it means I can wear my way too expensive jeans.
It took about nine months, just like all the books said. I thought that despite the 60 pounds I’d somehow get around that and lose all the baby weight by six months, but I was wrong and three extra months weren’t so bad. Now that my stomach is flat and my ass is regular sized I can go back to obsessing about whether or not my arms look fat.