girlfiend

This is long, and I need to spend some time with the second part before I post it. So here is the beginning.

Boyfiend and I were dreading the visit. We were both on edge the entire ride, wondering just how bad it could be. I know my mother is crazy. I expect very little from her. B has just begun to realize that when I say crazy I actually mean crazy. Not eccentric, not odd, not funny, just plain crazy. He wanted an apology, or at least some acknowledgment of wrongdoing. I wanted her to try to let go of some of her rage so I wouldn’t have all of the stress hanging over my head every time we see her. I know she’ll never be helpful. I know she’ll never really be capable of caring for my children for an extended period of time. I know that it’s bad that Boyfiend is currently on her shit list as she is a grudge holder (she hasn’t seen or spoken to her brother in 16 years) and she is convinced that she is always the victim. The visit went about as well as I expected. Let’s start with the petty.

First, my aunt was there. She is just as bad as my mother. I never quite understood why my cousin, M, stopped attending family gatherings for holidays and birthdays. Now I get it. Anyway, we got out of the car and walked up to the porch. My aunt stood up, gave me a kiss and a half hug, squeezed my upper arm and said, “Pudge.” Seriously? Fuck you.

We went in, my mother immediately showed the boys the toys she gave them then took away, so we brought our stuff to the bedrooms and made uncomfortable small talk. B installed a window AC in the bedroom we were to sleep in and moved the mini crib into the room. My mother told me the sheets on the crib were freshly laundered. By freshly laundered she meant covered in dirt, hair, and crumbs. I took off the sheet and replaced it with another, and said nothing about it.

B went out to the shed to get our beach stuff together and couldn’t find our beach cart. Our beach cart was a homemade contraption, made from PVC pipes, Wheeleez, and a Rubbermaid storage bin. Boyfiend located the storage bin with her trash cans holding a bag of trash. The rest of the cart was nowhere to be found. When pressed, my mother claimed she didn’t know anything about it. The workmen were in the shed. Perhaps the workmen threw it out. Yes, the workmen.

I didn’t pack much for Boyfiend other than underwear since he’d left a bunch of clothes behind when we last visited. His clothes were not in the drawer. My clothes were in the drawer, the kids’ clothes were in the drawer, but B’s? My mother wasn’t sure, but she thought that perhaps they’d turn up somewhere. He grabbed a bathing suit he keeps in the car and we got dressed, fed the kids, and walked to the beach. Yes, he keeps a bathing suit in the car. Clearly it comes in handy sometimes.

We are going to see my mother for the first time this summer. She hasn’t seen us since May. As much as she wanted a granddaughter, she’s been too selfish and angry to suck it up, talk to us, and actually see her. The latest conversation, three long weeks after she didn’t accept my apology for her taking the toys back and didn’t respond to my email about how we needed to work out our differences, was all about how self-absorbed my husband is. Boyfiend, who for the past 5 years has brought his toolbox to her house every time we’ve gone, just in case she needs him to fix something or install one of her thousands of internet purchases.

I am on edge, wondering how this is going to go. Will she be genuinely happy to see us, which seems unlikely, or will she act happy, silently seething with rage?

We’re staying overnight and coming home tomorrow. Wish us luck.

My baby boy has decided to potty train himself. I adore him. As long as he is not wearing pants he goes to the bathroom, pees in the potty then empties it into the toilet and flushes. The emptying part I could live without, considering he splashes urine all over the toilet and floor, but I am still thrilled. The problem is that he can not be without pants at all times and he is happy to use his diaper the rest of the time. I am not sure how to transition to full time potty use with pants on. The other issue is that he is too short to pee in a real toilet standing up and has no desire to pee sitting down. But these problems are minor. He just turned two last month and I am overjoyed that he is peeing in the potty at all. Two kids in cloth diapers is a lot of laundry.

My mother, who I have only seen once since she left the weekend after Miss N’s birth, is still crazy. She sent the boys toys which I wanted to save for later since we are currently at capacity after T’s birthday and N’s birth (for which the boys received big brother gifts from my mother) last month. She was angry that I didn’t give the boys the gifts right away and sent my father over to pick them up RIGHT AWAY. I lied and told him over the phone that I’d felt badly and given the boys the gifts and they were playing with them. HE told me she didn’t care and that he was supposed to get them immediately then call her as soon as he had them in his possession. Fucked up, right? He picked them up and I called my mother who did not answer and left a message of apology. I did not wish to apologize, but B and I figured it was the best approach. She did not return the call or acknowledge the apology. Today, 3 days later I received an email:

Dear Girlfiend:

I have decided not to rent my apt. Instead, i will move back in at the end of September. I will be able to help out with the children several days a week and give you a chance to get out and do your errands, etc.

I look forward to your reply to this as soon as possible.

Love,

Mom

What the hell am I supposed to do with this?

T is currently covering himself in aloe gel. I will have to cut this post short.