August 2007

Watermelon

There is currently a watermelon in my refrigerator that is not absorbing the vodka I would like it to absorb. I tried The Naked Chef’s recipe first and it didn’t seem to be going anywhere so I tried this one which didn’t seem to be going anywhere either. So I cut a bigger hole in the top, encompassing the two holes I’d previously cut and the vodka is currently sitting there.

I want to drink it with a straw but I will refrain from doing so (at least until tomorrow morning) so I can see if any of the vodka eventually gets absorbed.

Any words of wisdom from professional vodka watermelon makers?

I have hobbies
food
odds and ends

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Who?

As Natasha said, I caved to the devil that is Facebook so if you get a random friend request from a name you don’t recognize it very well may be me.

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odds and ends

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She was a great writer

Grace Paley is dead. The death of public figures doesn’t ordinarily have much of an effect on me since they’re public figures, not people I know or care about, but Paley is different. She spoke at my college in 1996 or 1997 and she had a profound effect on me. She stood at the podium in the Great Room in our Student Center and read short stories and essays for close to two hours. I’d read some of her stories before, but that night I learned about her life. Born in the Bronx in the 20s to Jewish parents she spoke English and Yiddish at home. As an adult she married and had children and found it wasn’t enough so she became a writer and protester. Her stories are wry and sardonic and at times they are very, very funny. Paley was an inspiration to me at a time in my life when I was too jaded to find much inspirational.

After the reading I waited around. I wanted to speak to her and tell her how much I loved her work. It was late and I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say but she shook my hand and spoke to me for a few minutes anyway. I remember looking down at her- she was a good two inches shorter than me- and being acutely aware of just how much I’d like to be like her some day.
The Telegraph’s obituary is the best I’ve read so far.

Maud Newton writes about meeting her when she was in college and links to Paley interviews and audio.

links
odds and ends

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I will bitch about this on the internet and just keep hitting the delete button in real life

I keep getting email forwards (that I first saw back in 1998) from a woman who I don’t know very well but like very much. I want to tell her she’s not a 60 year old woman in Florida but since I hardly know her I don’t know how to say it. I should also mention that the last time I asked someone to stop forwarding me crap the guy went out of his way to send me forwards with cats and babies just to spite me.

The emails are of the “you will have 15 years of bad luck if you don’t send these blinking fairies to everyone you know,” variety. Others contain very witty statements by women that you’re supposed to forward to other women because it will supposedly make their day. I assure you that my day was not made by reading

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.

The pink emails with bad cartoons (not pictured so as not to blind you) aren’t the worst. The ones that bug me the most are the “current” emails that reek of “pro-American, anti- everybody else, God is good, soldiers are good, Muslims are bad and everyone who thinks Muslims should be free to practice their religion in our country is a communist” sentiment. The ones that bug me are the ones that no one who actually knows me would ever forward unless they were forwarding them so we could make fun of the person who sent them together. Emails like this one:

How the phone should be answered……

Rules for the phone.

How ALL business phones SHOULD be answered!

GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA .

Press “1″ for English.


Press “2″ to disconnect until you learn to speak English

And remember only two defining forces have ever
offered to die for you,

Jesus Christ

and the American Soldier.


One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.


If you agree……keep it going

I mean seriously, it’s bad enough that I’m Jewish and she’s sending me Jesus dying on the cross, but the racist overtones? And the fucking clip art? I don’t know if it will work with my cut and paste job here, but the actual email has blinkies.  What decade is this?

I keep deleting them because I like her, but the more emails I get make me wonder if it’s a friendship worth pursuing.

bloggity blog blog blog
general discontent
odds and ends

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Bad description?

First of all, maybe I described it poorly, but I can’t believe no one thought my playground experience the other day was as nuts as I did.

Let me emphasize the insanity in bold to make it a bit more clear. I won’t repost the whole thing, just the key weird bits. First the bit about the dad with the weed.

The little boy went down the slide and his dad followed. An eighth of pot wrapped in a sandwich bag fell out of the dad’s pocket and landed underneath the slide. The dad hopped off of the slide, scooped up the bag and shoved it back in his pocket. I stared at him for a minute, wondering if he’d acknowledge that I’d just totally seen his bag of weed. He didn’t. Instead he reached in his pocket, pulled out a few more bags of weed in addition to the first and put them in a different pocket on the leg of his shorts, a pocket that closed with velcro.

Now the part about the woman not wearing a shirt.

A family shuffled up the walkway to the playground. There were two mildly retarded looking adults, a man and a woman, with a boy who looked to be about six or seven years old and a small baby in a carriage. The boy took off playing and the woman and the man sat on the bench with the stroller in front of them. The woman was oddly obese. She wasn’t nearly as large as the woman with the little girl in tap shoes, but she had a lumpy pendulous belly and she was wearing a bizarre cotton tie dyed overall shorts thing. She wasn’t wearing a shirt. The ill-fitting overalls only partially covered her stretched out, shiny white bra and back fat. She and the guy settled onto the bench and immediately took out their cell phonyes. It looked like they were playing games with them, and every so often they’d show each other something on the phone. The woman smiled at the Fiendling and asked me his age. I told her he’s almost a year and a half and she responded that her baby would be five months old tomorrow. I smiled and winced while she exhaled cigarette smoke into her baby’s carriage. A few minutes later she asked, “How do you spell minutes?” I spelled it for her and she thanked me and went back to pressing buttons on her phone.

Seriously, don’t you think that stuff’s just a little bit fucking crazy? It was the playground!

I’ve picked up another 451 Press blog in addition to Kids Dish. This one’s called Nursing Your Kids and it is, as you may guess from the title, about nursing your kids. I realize this is a niche market, but if you have some spare time hop over and click some ads for me. The money’s going straight to the Fiendling’s college fund.

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odds and ends

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Busy day

I spent a couple of hours with Tony in the morning then I had lunch with Gabbiana, Fraulein N, and Doodlebug at Honey’s Sit ‘n’ Eat. When I got home from Northern Liberties the Fiendling had just woken up from a nap. For some reason it was a bad wakeup. He was sad and clingy and fussy and he somehow fell and hit his head, leaving a scrape and bruise just under his eye. Wanting to cheer him up we took him for a walk to see the pig who lives around the corner. Visiting and petting the pig improved his mood drastically, so we walked up to the playground.

It was a little before six and the playground was packed. An obese woman wearing short shorts sat on a bench with her husband while their tow-headed little girl wearing a blue dress, ruffled ankle socks and sparkly pink shoes played with a dark skinned boy whose mom watched from the low wall encircling the playground. A mom with a girl who was about a year old pushed her in the baby swing while smoking a cigarette. A little boy a few months older than the Fiendling was running around with his dad, a guy about my age who had tattoos covering the majority of one leg (do they still call it a sleeve when it’s on a leg?) and a tattoo of a rose on the other leg.

The little boy went down the slide and his dad followed. An eighth of pot wrapped in a sandwich bag fell out of the dad’s pocket and landed underneath the slide. The dad hopped off of the slide, scooped up the bag and shoved it back in his pocket. I stared at him for a minute, wondering if he’d acknowledge that I’d just totally seen his bag of weed. He didn’t. Instead he reached in his pocket, pulled out a few more bags in addition to the first and put them in a different pocket on the leg of his shorts, a pocket that closed with velcro.

A family shuffled up the walkway to the playground. There were two mildly retarded looking adults, a man and a woman, with a boy who looked to be about six or seven years old and a small baby in a carriage. The boy took off playing and the woman and the man sat on the bench with the stroller in front of them. The woman was oddly obese. She wasn’t nearly as large as the woman with the little girl in tap shoes, but she had a lumpy pendulous belly and she was wearing a bizarre cotton tie dyed overall shorts thing. She wasn’t wearing a shirt. The ill-fitting overalls only partially covered her stretched out, shiny white bra and back fat. She and the guy settled onto the bench and immediately took out their cell phones. It looked like they were playing games with them, and every so often they’d show each other something on the phone. The woman smiled at the Fiendling and asked me his age. I told her he’s almost a year and a half and she responded that her baby would be five months old tomorrow. I smiled and winced while she exhaled cigarette smoke into her baby’s carriage. A few minutes later she asked, “How do you spell minutes?” I spelled it for her and she thanked me and went back to pressing buttons on her phone.

A normal looking guy wearing an orange polo shirt arrived with his son who appeared to be about four or five. The dad said to his kid, “You’re one of the big kids here today, watch out for the little ones.” A few minutes later I turned around and saw that the dad was on his back on the ground, legs up on the low wall, doing sit ups. Sit ups. At the playground. He and his son didn’t stay for too long.

The Fiendling was walking around the perimeter of the playground when a little girl of about two came into the playground with her mom and they sat on a bench together. The mom looked a bit crunchy and was wearing a shirt that said something about Darwin. The little girl wanted to play with the Fiendling and kept yelling, “Come here little boy. Come play.” Eventually the girl got up and she and the Fiendling began to play, climbing up the ladder and going down the slide.

A blonde woman smoking a cigarette and a white guy with a stocking on his head walked in to the play area and sat with the obese woman wearing the bra instead of a shirt. They talked for a couple of minutes then the obese woman and the guy she was with left, leaving the older boy and the baby with the blonde and the guy with the do rag.

The little girl wearing the ruffled socks and fancy shoes came over and seemed to want to play too. She stepped up onto the wall and yelled, “Look at me! Look! I can balance while I walk! WATCH ME!” I said, “I’m watching,” and she began to walk on it like a balance beam. Every few minutes she’d yell again for us to watch. She eventually got bored of the balance routine and started climbing up the slide while the Fiendling and the other little girl tried to go down. I kept telling her that she had to wait for the kids to come down before she climbed up. Her mother and father sat on the bench at the far side of the playground and didn’t seem to be paying any attention whatsoever. On her way up the slide she announced that her shoes had very high heels. When she reached the top she showed me just how high they were and slid back down. She sat at the foot of the slide and asked the Fiendling if he’d like to sit with her. He sat and she pointed out her shoes to him. He seemed to like the sparkles and touched them. He soon lost interest and began climbing the ladder again. Wanting more attention the girl stopped him at the bottom of the slide and asked if he wanted to sit and pet her shoes. I was relieved that he did not.

It was close to seven at this point and the Fiendling was exhausted. Not wanting to upset him by leaving the playground Boyfiend waited for the exact right moment and scooped him up and skipped down the hill singing a little song. We sang the song about the marching ants all the way to the supermarket where we bought a loaf of Le Bus bread before heading home to feed the Fiendling and put him to bed.

Boyfiend put the baby to sleep while I made a quick tomato sauce (over white beans for me and spaghetti for him) for dinner. I went outside to pick some basil and found this on the ground.

Stupid raccoons. I guess it’s time to break out more coyote urine.

Fiendling
Philadelphia
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garden
odds and ends

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I am a dork

It’s 9.15 on a Thursday night. I just mopped the kitchen and instead of using a bucket I filled the sink with vinegar and water. I took pleasure in knowing that my sink was being cleaned at the same time. So excited by my clean sink and floor I moved on to the bathtub and the baby tub (Shut up, I know he’s awfully big to still be in a baby tub, but my tub has one of those nonslip bottoms which I can’t get clean, even back in the days when I soaked it in bleach. And besides, he likes climbing in and out of the little one.) which are soaking in vinegar and water after an initial scrub down with a baking soda paste. Now my floor and tub will both literally be clean enough to eat off of.

Speaking of baby tubs, does anyone else hate the stupid toy manufacturers who insist upon putting holes in bath toys? They just fill up with water and get moldy and they are impossible to clean.

And what’s up with Facebook? Newsweek tells me Facebook is very important. Should I have a Facebook account? I feel like I’m too old for this shit, yet I don’t want to be left out. Everyone is so over Friendster which is a shame because Myspace gives me a headache.

Now excuse me while I throw my laundry in the dryer and finish scrubbing the tubs before I take a shower. Good times.

I have hobbies
odds and ends

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Pick your own

We just got back from Linvilla Orchards. You may recall that I accidentally went crazy the last time I was there and picked more apples than absolutely necessary. I wrote all about today’s trip at both Kids Dish and Farm to Philly so I won’t recount all of the fruit picking details here. I will however post a couple of pictures and tell you the story I omitted at the other sites.


some of the goods
csa.8.9
stuffing his face with blackberries

The Fiendling was passed out in the backseat and we were on the highway going about 55 with the windows down. Some jackass in a large SUV refused to either slow down or speed up to let me into the exit lane to merge onto the Schuylkill. I hate when people do that. I had my turn signal on for more than half a mile and the douchebag kept speeding up so I couldn’t get in. When I finally got to exit I saw that the guy wasn’t even exiting with me which annoyed even more. Anyway, we successfully made it onto the next stretch of highway when a bird crashed through the open window into Boyfiend’s head.

I started to panic and began to cough uncontrollably. (I don’t think I ever mentioned that my bronchitis was finally diagnosed as asthma. I think that I just had my first full-fledged panic-induced asthma attack.) Boyfiend got my inhaler for me, but the dead bird was in the car. Traffic slowed to almost a complete stop and Boyfiend tried to get the bird out. Instead he got a handful of feathers. He was completely disgusted that a dead bird hit him in the head, but I’m almost positive that his head killed the bird. Then he realized the dead bird was staring at him. When we got off the highway at our exit he was able to toss the bird out of the car.

Needless to say, he took a shower as soon as we got home. Now I’m wondering if I need to disinfect my entire car.

odds and ends

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typical naptime

I was feeling ambitious and decided to hang a bunch of pictures I framed a few months ago. I spent about an hour arranging them on the floor in front of the walls where I planned to hang them. I went to the tool box, grabbed a hammer and the picture hanging hardware and found I was completely out of nails.

odds and ends

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question

For those of you with children older than mine, is this 17 month waking up every night at 1am normal? At what point do they start sleeping again? Moxie says there’s an 18 month sleep regression, but this started at 16 1/2 months. When will this end? Luckily I’ve been sleeping through the wakeups, but I won’t be so lucky in a few weeks when Boyfiend goes back to work and I’m on duty again.

odds and ends

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