girlfiend

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea
Evening Primrose Oil
Pineapple
Eggplant Parmigiana
Spicy foods
Sex
Acupuncture
Acupressure
Massage
Walking
Lunges
Steps

Nothing. Not even a little bit dilated. I left my appointment this morning in tears. If the baby doesn’t make an appearance sooner I can be induced on May 11th. But I don’t want an induction, I just want labor to start now.

The Fiendling continues to be awesome. He still has his moments, but since his birthday he’s been quite reasonable.

Yesterday he was helping me unload groceries and he came to the bag that contained my pregnant woman impulse buys- two kinds of ice cream and a box of ice cream sandwiches. His eyes grew wide an he said, delighted, “Mommy you remembered that I really like ice cream sandwiches. And you bought them, even though we still have push pops in the basement! I love you, mommy.”

He really likes to kiss the baby in my belly.

He’s unable to pronounce Rs and Ls in most situations. Though he can pronounce the R at the beginning of the name Rusty, he is unable to pronounce it when it follows another consonant. Today he was singing, “The gween gwass gwows all awound all awound, the gween gwass gwows all awound.” It was adorable.

His vocabulary is surprising. The other day he and the baby were both wearing camouflage pants. I believe that F picked them out for the both of them. He was telling me about some dinosaur who is camouflage. I asked him if he knew what it means to be camouflage. He told me that the dinosaur blends in with his surroundings to protect himself from predators like other dinosaurs who want to eat him. Later that day we were playing outside and we heard some birds chattering. He said, “Mom, the birds are having an observation.” I asked if he meant conversation. He said, “No, observation,” in that teenager-like ‘you are an idiot’ tone of voice. He continued, “They are watching me ride my bike and play baseball.”

The baby is going to be 2 next month. He still seems like such a baby compared to F at the same age. I know that as soon as the new baby is born T will seem so big. But for now, even though he’s losing some of his pudge and getting so much taller, he is still such a baby. Maybe it’s because he’s still not talking much. His vocabulary hovers around 20-25 words and still mainly consists of animal sounds. He’s recently added “bubble” to his repertoire, and though I thought for sure B was making it up when he said he heard it the first time, T did say “love” last night when we were hugging and kissing before I put him in his crib.

T does say any numbers but he practices counting by pointing to his fingers one by one and saying, “More, more, more, more, more.” It’s super cute.

He brings me books to read and DVDs he wants to watch. He loves to play outside with the bikes and the balls and the assorted ugly plastic play equipment that lives in our yard. He adores our neighbor’s daughter and lights up when she comes outside to play. He goes running to see B when he gets home and says woof every time he sees a dog.

The boys are at a great stage right now where they play nicely together, sleep in the same room together, and generally entertain each other. They are difficult, as small children tend to be, but manageable, and if I wasn’t so goddamned pregnant and cranky all of the time I’d enjoy this stage so much more. Soon there is going to be a baby and it’s going to completely screw up the equilibrium. I’m hoping that it will all be fine. That F will keep it together and T won’t lose his shit completely the way F did when T was born. But who knows what’s going to happen. I just know that I want this baby out.

This is just to say that I would like very much to not be pregnant any more.

We’ve been relatively shit-free since I complained about T’s disgusting new habit. I may be jinxing myself here, but aside from cleaning dried feces that I’d somehow missed off of the wall going up the back stairs (it could have been mud or chocolate, but I tend to assume the worst) and fresh feces off of his hand during a diaper change, he’s been good enough to keep his little hands out of his diaper.

But his new habit is also unsavory. The new thing is that he likes to put food in his mouth and leave it there for a very long time. Until it dissolves. At which point he opens his mouth and lets it drip down to the floor. Are girls this disgusting?

My weight gain is pretty much on par with my last pregnancy, but for some reason my skin is stretched so tight that my veins are clearly visible from my armpits down my sides and across my belly. It looks like a road map or a freakish tribal tattoo. All things considered, I look pretty good considering my due date is less than a month away. But the veins are kind of freaking me out.

I’m trying to maintain order and keep the dirty at bay just in case I am lucky enough to have this baby early. Somehow I’m keeping on top of the laundry- the washing, not the folding and putting away, and the rest of the house is fairly clean right now. My spring cleaning last week paid off. I went a little bit nutty, washing walls and moulding in addition to the regular cleaning, and the house looks better than usual. The children are constantly thwarting my efforts at keeping the toys picked up, but I don’t blame them. Much.

I haven’t prepared as many meals as I did when I was pregnant with the baby. I’ve lost interest in cooking completely. I managed to make and freeze beef stew, ziti, and enough dough for 4 pizzas. I’m sure there is something else down there that I am forgetting, but if not, I spent an obscene amount of money on convenience foods at Trader Joe’s to get us through the first few weeks. I also spent a lot of Amazon gift card money on pyrex storage containers so if I’m extra motivated I can make and freeze some more.

The Fiendling is quite adamant that he wants a gwirl. He would love a gwirl so much that he might even want ANOTHER sister. He’s not so keen on the idea of a boy. He already has a brother and doesn’t need another.

For the second week in a row I missed my OB appointment. Last week I showed up on Friday morning, only to be told my doctor was out and I was a no-show on Wednesday. I was mortified. I got a print out of my appointments to avoid similar fuck ups and went home only to do the same thing today. On my calendar my next appointment is clearly marked for April 9th. But in my wallet planner and on the print out the 7th is the date scheduled.

I missed an appointment, again, because I fucked up in transferring the date from one place to another. Awesome. If it’s this hard for me to get my shit together now, how on earth am I going to deal with schedules for myself and 3 kids?

The good news is that the baby has turned and I think it’s stayed that way. I feel feet where they should be. I’ve unfortunately hit my pregnancy limit well before my due date. I’m ready to evict this baby now, and I’ve still got a good 4 weeks. I have another ultrasound on Monday and I keep fantasizing that they’ll find a reason to recommend an early induction, which is fucking ridiculous because the last thing I want is to have a baby come when my body isn’t ready. I guess intellectually it’s the last thing I want. Emotionally I want this baby out.